i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
