This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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