**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
