Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
