ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
