best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
