the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
