another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
