WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
