I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
