Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
