i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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