I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
