we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
