____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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