If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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