I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
