that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
