Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
