all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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