My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
