So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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