Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
