I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
