Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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