I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
