you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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