Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
