she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
