All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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