I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
