I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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