I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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