youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
