I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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