he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
