You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
