I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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