My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
