and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
