I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My feet surprised me
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