Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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