My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
