how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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