uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
