glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
