rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
