mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
