Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
