I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
